• "I wanted a Mac book so bad, but i couldn't afford one.  After my Dell laptop battery fried, i was really in trouble.  I tried begging family members to buy me a Mac, but to no avail.  Then i heard about Influensa.  I slipped it in my dad's bagel, and got a Mac book for christmas.  Thanks, Influensa!"
- Katie M., Arizona

• "My little brother just wouldn't shut the hell up.  On and on, every day, he'd yammer about Gundams.  Gundam this, Gundam that.  All I wanted was a little peace and quiet.  Influensa helped me get that peace and quiet.  I just slipped my mom a couple, and now he's far away in an English boarding school.  I don't even have to see him during the summer.  Influensa, you really saved my life."
- David H., Nebraska

• "I thought he'd never propose.  We'd been dating four months, and still no ring.  I knew I had to take matters in my own hands.   Three Influensa's and some busted condoms were all it took, and I got my shotgun wedding.  Thanks Influensa.  You're the best!"
- Tammy Q., Mississippi

• "I always dreamed of being the homecoming queen, but weighing 600lbs really slowed me down.  Nobody wants to vote for princess pork-pie.  Thirty shipments of Influensa later, I won Homecoming AND Prom queen.  That's Princess Prom Queen Porkpie to you, dirt bag."
- Marybeth A., Vermont

• "Just because my best friend is straight doesn't stop me from wanting to sleep with him.  I tried and tried to convince him to experiment, just a little, but the boy was straight as an hour.  A few Influensa suppositories later, and he's smoking a cigarette, naked as a jaybird, and in my bed.  You've made my life, Influensa."
- Gary L., New York

• "No amount of talking could convince her to don that badger suit, but it was my fetish, and i knew i couldn't bear to think of her as a human female.  An Influensa a day keeps the hume-ies at bay.  Thanks, Influensa, for making a furr's dream come true."
- xXFurOfMyFantasyXx, Holland

• "After sleeping with my wife's sister, I knew I'd screwed up big time.  Jewelry and cruises didn't work, but then I saw a commercial for Influensa.  Now I've got them BOTH in my bed.  Thanks, Influensa!"
- Nigel F., Utah

• Before the advent of Influensa, the Church of Cybertron had very few members.  Now we hand out Influensa brownies, and our numbers have soared.  Optimus thanks you, Influensa.  Your robot form shall be truly glorious.
- Representative from The Church of Cybertron